


Instant Satisfaction

by ArgentSleeper



Series: Arthur Pendragon vs The World [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cooking, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 04:45:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3755005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentSleeper/pseuds/ArgentSleeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude."</p><p>In which Arthur decides to channel his inner Julia Child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Instant Satisfaction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts), [rowanbrandybuck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowanbrandybuck/gifts).



> This is especially for you, Nick. Thanks to you and Rowan for the inspiration (and to Rowan for the beta as well). I giggled pretty much the entire time I was writing this. And some more while I was experimenting with my microwave to ensure this was as accurate as possible.

 

 

> _I’ll be back late tonight.  I left you ham and egg salad in the fridge.  There’re also ingredients for a sandwich on the counter if you’re still hungry.  Love you  
>  _ - _Merlin_

Arthur scowled at the note on the table.  He could hear what Merlin was implying in his message.  All the food he’d left for Arthur to eat was such that he could eat it cold, or at least room temperature.  It was the same every night Merlin left to meet his publisher.  Arthur knew when he was being patronized.  

It wasn’t Arthur’s fault that Merlin’s “appliances” were trying to kill him.  Merlin shouldn’t have been surprised.  It wasn’t _natural_ what they did.  He could almost understand the stove.  It simply contained carefully controlled fire, just like they used to use back in Camelot.  But the microwave.  Arthur had seen it used once and didn’t need to see any more to declare it the most evil kind of magic.

Of course, that declaration had led to one of Merlin’s terrible sulks he always went into when he thought Arthur might still be angry about the whole ‘being a sorcerer’ thing.  Which wasn’t true _at all_ , but that hadn’t stopped Merlin from ceasing all use of the infernal thing and going out of his way to make sure Arthur didn’t have to touch it either.

He had had enough.  Not only was he going to _use_ the stupid microwave, but he was going to use it to make Merlin a dinner to remember.

Arthur tossed open the cupboards, rummaging for something he could cook.  Merlin had explained once that not everything could be made in the little machine.  He carefully inspected the packages for something that said the word ‘microwave’ on the directions.  He found a few cans of soup, but they were enclosed in air-tight metal, and no matter what he tried he couldn’t get them open (Merlin had forbid him from using the knives for anything other than chopping actual food).  Other objects looked far too complicated, requiring the addition of several other ingredients in varying proportions.

Finally Arthur spotted a box towards the back of the cupboard.  “Just add water!” it proclaimed brightly.  Arthur grinned.  He could do that.  He wasn’t so sure the box was being entirely truthful, however.   _Instant potatoes_ , it said.  It claimed to be able to cook the food within five minutes or less.  Merlin had made him a potato before in the contraption called the “oven.”  It had taken nearly an hour before it was ready to eat.

Determined not to let something as trifling as impossibility stop him, Arthur carefully read the instructions.  After all, if it didn’t work, he could just use it as proof for Merlin that the device was clearly the root of all evil.

_Bring 2 cups of water to a boil._

Well that was arbitrary.  They had dozens of cups around the house, all in various sizes.  Which one was he supposed to use?  Arthur pulled out a few options, staring at them as if one would have the answer written on it.  After a few minutes he huffed in annoyance and picked out two tall red ones made of some modern material Merlin was abnormally fond of.  He filled them up to the top with water from the tap.  The least this box could do is give him more specific instructions.

Now he had to bring it to a boil.  Arthur placed the cups within the microwave and inspected the buttons.  There were numbers and different foods and a few he couldn’t even figure out what they did.  Scanning the top row, he spotted one that said “Baked Potato.”  Ah-ha!  He poked at it, suppressing a jump when the device lit up with a dull roar. The cups spun around like they were on some kind of invisible spit.  Every once in a while the tray would pause for half a second before starting again with a jerk, sloshing the water about and making Arthur wonder whether or not he’d broken something.

Perhaps two minutes had gone by when things started to go wrong.  Through the little window Arthur could see his cups starting to warp and melt.  Quickly he wrenched open the door.  The cups sagged a bit more before settling.  Oh gods, Merlin was going to _kill_ him.  Arthur tossed the whole thing in the bin.  Maybe Merlin would forget they’d ever owned those.

Never one to give up easily, Arthur tried again.  He picked two new cups, these ones made of sturdy glass.  He started the microwave again, watching carefully to ensure his vessels would hold this time.

They did, and like the box claimed, within a few minutes the water was miraculously boiling.  The timer on the microwave said there were still a few minutes left before it would be ready, though.  Should he wait?  It’s not like one can overcook water, can they?  But the button had said it was specifically for potatoes, so he had to trust it knew what it was doing.  Arthur decided to take the risk.  He waited for the machine to ding before donning the ridiculous looking pink gloves Merlin had made a point of insisting he use when handling hot things (why they had to be shaped with smiling pigs on the palms Arthur didn’t know) and carefully removed the cups.

He grabbed a large mixing bowl and poured the water within. There. This wasn’t so hard.

_Mix in 2 cups of potato flakes._

Arthur opened the box and peered inside.  Indeed, little white flecks liked dried snow lay within.  These weren’t potatoes!  The box had lied to him!  He was tempted to just toss the whole thing in the bin, flakes and all, but at this point he supposed he had nothing to lose.  Using two clean cups, he measured out the flakes and poured them in.  He stirred sceptically, noting with growing surprise the mixture actually started to thicken a bit.  No matter how much he whipped his spoon about, though, it stayed soupy.

Arthur furrowed his brow.  Perhaps he’d used the wrong cups?  Well that wasn’t his fault the instructions were so vague.  He scooped out another handful of flakes and sprinkled them in, mixing the soup and grinning as it became thicker and fluffier, until it resembled the picture on the box.

Tentatively he dipped a finger in and sucked the mixture into his mouth.  By the gods!  He’d done it!

Arthur gleefully tore through the cupboards again.  This microwave thing was easy!

 

* * *

 

 

Merlin walked into their house and froze.  There was a strong aroma in the air.  Not a bad one, but not the kind he would expect from salad or a sandwich.

“Arthur?”

“In here!”

Merlin cringed.  Arthur sounded suspiciously smug.  This could only mean disaster.

He rounded the corner into the dining room and froze.  The table was covered in bowls, all filled with food.  Potatoes, ramen, macaroni and cheese, rice, oatmeal… a veritable cornucopia of instant foods.

“What the hell?”

Arthur pouted.  “I used the microwave.  I was wrong, it’s the _good_ kind of magic.”

Merlin couldn’t help it.  He started to laugh, the mirth building up until he was bent over double in hysterics.  Arthur’s pout deepened, and he went to clear the dishes into the bin.

“No, don’t.”  Merlin grabbed his arm and pulled him in for a quick kiss.  “I’m proud of you.  Even if we are going to be stuck eating processed foods for the next fortnight.”

Arthur beamed.  “If you’re proud of that, just wait until I show you what I found on the moving picture box.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Coming Soon: Arthur vs the home shopping network


End file.
